12:34 am – Jameson Duning, age 59, was arrested on early Sunday Morning after police received a tip that it was he who had been causing the mysterious duck killings. Dubbed the “Duck Butcher”, Duning was supposedly seen killing several local ducks. “The neighborhood was starting to get concerned about the mysterious killings.” said Police Chief Randy Creig, when asked for comment. Dunning admitted to the crime later Sunday morning, and was fined. “I just couldn’t stand those blasted ducks quaking all day and night right underneath my window. It got to the point that I couldn’t sleep more than two minutes without hearing a duck. I didn’t realize that people would get so riled up about it though. I mean, when I was young, everything was fair game. I even ate duck a couple of times.” It is rumored that a local animal rights group will be suing Duning, but it has not been confirmed. When asked what he thought about the prospect of being sued, Duning had this to say, “Let them come. I don’t have anything that they can take.”
Editor’s Note: Once a week we try to publish a funny little story along with our news piece. This is a complete work of fiction and is nothing more than a joke.
Taken from the January 29, 2009 issue of "The Ink Blot".